Fatigue, Fatigue and More Fatigue

Seems there is always something wrong these days. The joints are feeling pretty good but starting last week the fatigue hit me like a ton of bricks and nothing helps. Sunday I went to bed at 8:30 and slept till 6 and I still felt so tired I had to sleep another hour. All week I haven't been able to get up in the morning.  To moms out there,  I describe the fatigue as first trimester exhaustion to non moms and men you know that feeling when you got over a cold or it's starting and you just want to sleep all day? That is where I am right now.

Something interesting today, which I suppose I read before is to exercise. I have been doing pretty good the last 4 weeks but this week is cold and raining and not ideal walking weather. Has me curious if not walking this week has made the fatigue worse.  I love living in the midwest and the season changes. I would normally suck it up and grab an umbrella and get out there. I have even in the middle of winter while it was snowing sat in a hot tub with my friend Laura ( Laura if your reading I know that made you laugh)  But this weather has been crazy,  yesterday it was sleeting, raining, hailing and even a thunder storm.  The high temperature was only 32 out there. Not very motivating to get moving. With that kind of weather you can add an extra 20 min to my drive home and then it's get dinner going try to keep my 2 year old entertained so he doesn't tear the house apart and do this all the while in the back of my head just wanting to collapse on the couch and not move. By the time dinner is done any thought of doing an exercise dvd is gone out the window.

Theory number two is a flare is around the corner? My fingers feel puffy today and my wedding ring felt to tight to wear but besides that I almost made the 4 week mark, I haven't made it 4 weeks with no flare in to many months to count so I am hoping I can hang in there just a few more days.

This weeks goals have just been to make it through the week and stay on top of the eating. I need to take it easy this week and try not to add to much on to my RA fatigued brain. The eating is going pretty good my only downfall this week was not bringing enough snacks to keep the hunger monster away and then eating a big dinner but that can be a goal for next week after my infusion Monday and hopefully the sun decides to peak out at us here in the Midwest and I can get back to walking and eating right and grabbing control of Mr RA. He still hasn't won just because the fatigue is here I am still eating good and will be walking again soon enough!

Better late then never

I waited to post this week thinking I would have good news about my appointment Tuesday but as it turns out they messed up my date and have me down for next month   I was a bit annoyed at first but then I thought maybe another month is better, I still have no idea my weight but I think my clothes are looser or maybe it's in my head but either way I have another month to really tweak my diet and exercise.
Since I was so close to the lake I decided to take advantage of the sun and took a walk by the lakefront on the beach. It was really nice to be alone with my thoughts and hear the water and the birds and it occurred to me to enjoy every minute of this walk,  if I was in an RA flare there is no way I could walk on the sand and I walked the entire beach and back and felt beyond awesome doing it!

 Being alone with my thoughts I realized I am already on week 4 of this new healthy lifestyle,  it really sunk in that I am doing it! I still have no pain and I really hope I am finally finding a happy middle. I really think some people can control their RA by eating certain foods and some can stop eating gluten and get relief. Some people can even control it by medication and not change their diet. I have really thought about this a lot and I think I need both. I don't believe I can control my RA by diet alone and the medication tries to work but not giving my body the healthy fuel it needs I am working against it.  My doctor said something to me that really bothered me, he said "I am sorry I have not been able to give you relief, but I'll figure it out"  it occurred to me if I don't do my part and lose this weight and move the joints and treat my body better I'll never get there and it's certainty not his fault. To be honest this did motivate me some because it really bothers me he thinks he is failing me when I truly believe he is a rare doctor that cares.
One of the awesome things about other RA'ers blogging is learning what works for them and twisting it to work for me. Last week I really found some great blogs that I can relate to and anyone out there whether it's an RA blog or your personnel life and obstacles, I thank you for sharing your life and experiences, you never know who you are helping.
So even though the week is almost over I'll still share the goals I worked on this week.

Goals for week 4

1. Bring lunches to work this week.
2. Walk two to three times a week
3. Do dishes after dinner to get some increased activity in.
4. If weather and time permit take my son for a walk.

**Weekly Reward**

Buy a book for my kindle on my wishlist.

Assuming the rest of the week goes good I can go buy new walking shoes for my monthly reward!  

"Above all, do not lose your desire to walk.  Every day I walk myself into a state of well-being and walk away from every illness.  I have walked myself into my best thoughts, and I know of no thought so burdensome that one cannot walk away from it. "   ~Soren Kierkegaard

Back to Normal

Felling pretty good again so how come I don't feel happy about it? I think I know it's a matter of time before ol Arthur is back. Sucks to feel this good and have it taken away and every month the bad days are outnumbering the good.  At my appointment last week my doctor asked me to call my insurance company and see if I would be approved for every 3 weeks, basically they requested this already and the letter the insurance company sent is really vague and not guaranteeing  payment. According to the insurance company I have been approved this whole time it's my doctors office that is not liking the wording. This really annoys me that I have been suffering the last couple of months and could have had treatment. When I called the billing lady and told her I was approved she still sounded unsure. So it comes down to this......if I flare this month I am done. They either give me the infusion or switch my meds because I can't do this anymore. DONE!


Some more promising news is the diet  I mean......healthy lifestyle is going great. Since my infusion I am walking 2 to 3 times a day and yesterday I did a workout DVD to get an extra workout in. Friday I took my son to the zoo and we walked around for almost 2 hours. The eating part is coming together nicely. I think my attitude has made a huge difference. Usually if I have a bad eating day I give up...failed. I am now realizing going out to eat and having something bad is OK, being good 95% of the time is the healthy way and having something bad once in a while is normal and even healthy. I also think hiding the scale was a good move. I know I am down at least 6lbs from my last weigh in but the next day I was up 3 and that's when I decided I can't be near a scale. So I won't know if anything has changed till my doc appointment April12th.

Goal for Week 3

1. Keep on track with the healthy life style 
2. Bring lunches to work every day 
3. Eat a healthy breakfast 
4. NO FAST-FOOD
5. Increase lunch walk to 30min from 15min
6. Add a workout DVD in or walk with son weather permitting  

                                                          **Weekly Reward**
                                                             Bingo on Friday

Almost a month in, I can't wait to get my new shoes lol  I'm learning to take it day by day and baby steps. It's all about mini goals to get to the end result :))

"I define comfort as self-acceptance. When we finally learn that self-care begins and ends with ourselves, we no longer demand sustenance and happiness from others."

Jennifer Louden