Seems there is always something wrong these days. The joints are feeling pretty good but starting last week the fatigue hit me like a ton of bricks and nothing helps. Sunday I went to bed at 8:30 and slept till 6 and I still felt so tired I had to sleep another hour. All week I haven't been able to get up in the morning. To moms out there, I describe the fatigue as first trimester exhaustion to non moms and men you know that feeling when you got over a cold or it's starting and you just want to sleep all day? That is where I am right now.
Something interesting today, which I suppose I read before is to exercise. I have been doing pretty good the last 4 weeks but this week is cold and raining and not ideal walking weather. Has me curious if not walking this week has made the fatigue worse. I love living in the midwest and the season changes. I would normally suck it up and grab an umbrella and get out there. I have even in the middle of winter while it was snowing sat in a hot tub with my friend Laura ( Laura if your reading I know that made you laugh) But this weather has been crazy, yesterday it was sleeting, raining, hailing and even a thunder storm. The high temperature was only 32 out there. Not very motivating to get moving. With that kind of weather you can add an extra 20 min to my drive home and then it's get dinner going try to keep my 2 year old entertained so he doesn't tear the house apart and do this all the while in the back of my head just wanting to collapse on the couch and not move. By the time dinner is done any thought of doing an exercise dvd is gone out the window.
Theory number two is a flare is around the corner? My fingers feel puffy today and my wedding ring felt to tight to wear but besides that I almost made the 4 week mark, I haven't made it 4 weeks with no flare in to many months to count so I am hoping I can hang in there just a few more days.
This weeks goals have just been to make it through the week and stay on top of the eating. I need to take it easy this week and try not to add to much on to my RA fatigued brain. The eating is going pretty good my only downfall this week was not bringing enough snacks to keep the hunger monster away and then eating a big dinner but that can be a goal for next week after my infusion Monday and hopefully the sun decides to peak out at us here in the Midwest and I can get back to walking and eating right and grabbing control of Mr RA. He still hasn't won just because the fatigue is here I am still eating good and will be walking again soon enough!
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Better late then never
I waited to post this week thinking I would have good news about my appointment Tuesday but as it turns out they messed up my date and have me down for next month I was a bit annoyed at first but then I thought maybe another month is better, I still have no idea my weight but I think my clothes are looser or maybe it's in my head but either way I have another month to really tweak my diet and exercise.
Since I was so close to the lake I decided to take advantage of the sun and took a walk by the lakefront on the beach. It was really nice to be alone with my thoughts and hear the water and the birds and it occurred to me to enjoy every minute of this walk, if I was in an RA flare there is no way I could walk on the sand and I walked the entire beach and back and felt beyond awesome doing it!
Being alone with my thoughts I realized I am already on week 4 of this new healthy lifestyle, it really sunk in that I am doing it! I still have no pain and I really hope I am finally finding a happy middle. I really think some people can control their RA by eating certain foods and some can stop eating gluten and get relief. Some people can even control it by medication and not change their diet. I have really thought about this a lot and I think I need both. I don't believe I can control my RA by diet alone and the medication tries to work but not giving my body the healthy fuel it needs I am working against it. My doctor said something to me that really bothered me, he said "I am sorry I have not been able to give you relief, but I'll figure it out" it occurred to me if I don't do my part and lose this weight and move the joints and treat my body better I'll never get there and it's certainty not his fault. To be honest this did motivate me some because it really bothers me he thinks he is failing me when I truly believe he is a rare doctor that cares.
One of the awesome things about other RA'ers blogging is learning what works for them and twisting it to work for me. Last week I really found some great blogs that I can relate to and anyone out there whether it's an RA blog or your personnel life and obstacles, I thank you for sharing your life and experiences, you never know who you are helping.
So even though the week is almost over I'll still share the goals I worked on this week.
"Above all, do not lose your desire to walk. Every day I walk myself into a state of well-being and walk away from every illness. I have walked myself into my best thoughts, and I know of no thought so burdensome that one cannot walk away from it. " ~Soren Kierkegaard
Since I was so close to the lake I decided to take advantage of the sun and took a walk by the lakefront on the beach. It was really nice to be alone with my thoughts and hear the water and the birds and it occurred to me to enjoy every minute of this walk, if I was in an RA flare there is no way I could walk on the sand and I walked the entire beach and back and felt beyond awesome doing it!
One of the awesome things about other RA'ers blogging is learning what works for them and twisting it to work for me. Last week I really found some great blogs that I can relate to and anyone out there whether it's an RA blog or your personnel life and obstacles, I thank you for sharing your life and experiences, you never know who you are helping.
So even though the week is almost over I'll still share the goals I worked on this week.
Goals for week 4
- Bring lunches to work this week.
- Walk two to three times a week
- Do dishes after dinner to get some increased activity in.
- If weather and time permit take my son for a walk.
**Weekly Reward**
Buy a book for my kindle on my wishlist.
Assuming the rest of the week goes good I can go buy new walking shoes for my monthly reward!
"Above all, do not lose your desire to walk. Every day I walk myself into a state of well-being and walk away from every illness. I have walked myself into my best thoughts, and I know of no thought so burdensome that one cannot walk away from it. " ~Soren Kierkegaard
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Back to Normal
Felling pretty good again so how come I don't feel happy about it? I think I know it's a matter of time before ol Arthur is back. Sucks to feel this good and have it taken away and every month the bad days are outnumbering the good. At my appointment last week my doctor asked me to call my insurance company and see if I would be approved for every 3 weeks, basically they requested this already and the letter the insurance company sent is really vague and not guaranteeing payment. According to the insurance company I have been approved this whole time it's my doctors office that is not liking the wording. This really annoys me that I have been suffering the last couple of months and could have had treatment. When I called the billing lady and told her I was approved she still sounded unsure. So it comes down to this......if I flare this month I am done. They either give me the infusion or switch my meds because I can't do this anymore. DONE!
Some more promising news is thediet I mean......healthy lifestyle is going great. Since my infusion I am walking 2 to 3 times a day and yesterday I did a workout DVD to get an extra workout in. Friday I took my son to the zoo and we walked around for almost 2 hours. The eating part is coming together nicely. I think my attitude has made a huge difference. Usually if I have a bad eating day I give up...failed. I am now realizing going out to eat and having something bad is OK, being good 95% of the time is the healthy way and having something bad once in a while is normal and even healthy. I also think hiding the scale was a good move. I know I am down at least 6lbs from my last weigh in but the next day I was up 3 and that's when I decided I can't be near a scale. So I won't know if anything has changed till my doc appointment April12th.
Bingo on Friday
Some more promising news is the
Goal for Week 3
- Keep on track with the healthy life style
- Bring lunches to work every day
- Eat a healthy breakfast
- NO FAST-FOOD
- Increase lunch walk to 30min from 15min
- Add a workout DVD in or walk with son weather permitting
Bingo on Friday
Almost a month in, I can't wait to get my new shoes lol I'm learning to take it day by day and baby steps. It's all about mini goals to get to the end result :))
- "I define comfort as self-acceptance. When we finally learn that self-care begins and ends with ourselves, we no longer demand sustenance and happiness from others."
Monday, March 28, 2011
Counting Down
My infusion is in 25 hours and believe me when I say I am counting down! I wish it was Weds already and I would be back to feeling normal. It's been a crazy week. Mentally I feel a little better, I started to wean off the Prednisone since infusion is tomorrow so I went from 20mg to 10mg. The sooner I can get off the better. Going down I noticed my mood is not so cranky. My last post really was just my way of venting out the crabbiness, my husband said if he didn't know me he would of thought I was a total bitch lol I really didn't intend for it to be so harsh but my blog is my way of venting and seeing a pattern to my thoughts and feelings so no offensive to anyone just my brain being cranky and needing to sort things out. One thing it did for sure was to help me realize how negative I was feeling so I put some of my CBT workbook into action and it really did help! I need to keep working on it to learn some more techniques!
Last week was a huge challenge for me. Not only was I battling a a horrible flare for almost 3 weeks but the Prednisone side effects cause increased appetite and crabbiness, add a little PMS in there and I had some huge challenges. Overall I think I did pretty good. I definitely can't say I failed at my goals. I didn't walk the last 4 days but as much pain as I was in I think I have to cut myself some slack and the most important thing is now that infusion is tomorrow, I have to recover and get back to the walking immediately. Overall my eating was pretty good I need to tweak a few things yet but every failure is a lesson learned. I can honestly say in the past months I would have given up by now. RA would be in complete control.
Get hair styled on Saturday for dinner night :)
So here we go with another week :)
“Most people give up just when they’re about to achieve success. They quit on the one-yard line. They give up at the last minute of the game, one foot from a winning touchdown.” H. Ross Perot
Last week was a huge challenge for me. Not only was I battling a a horrible flare for almost 3 weeks but the Prednisone side effects cause increased appetite and crabbiness, add a little PMS in there and I had some huge challenges. Overall I think I did pretty good. I definitely can't say I failed at my goals. I didn't walk the last 4 days but as much pain as I was in I think I have to cut myself some slack and the most important thing is now that infusion is tomorrow, I have to recover and get back to the walking immediately. Overall my eating was pretty good I need to tweak a few things yet but every failure is a lesson learned. I can honestly say in the past months I would have given up by now. RA would be in complete control.
Goals For Week Two
- Keep on track with the healthy meals and snacks.
- Keep on track with 2 to 3 walks a day and try to increase the time.
- Start wearing a pedometer so I can increase steps in the day.
- Try to incorporate some light weights.
So here we go with another week :)
“Most people give up just when they’re about to achieve success. They quit on the one-yard line. They give up at the last minute of the game, one foot from a winning touchdown.” H. Ross Perot
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Dear Prednisone and RA
Dear Prednisone,
Thank you for the mood swings, acne breakout, and lack of sleep. At least you are taking the edge off the pain. After Tuesday we will once again part ways after a short weaning period because I just can't quit you cold turkey. I wish this time it's for good but we both know you will back.
Dear RA,
YOU SUCK!! Please include a gift receipt with this flare because I want to give it back!
I can't express how much prednisone sucks, my RA buddies I know you know what I am talking about. This is the longest stretch in over a year I have been back on prednisone and I said I would never go on it again. I think that is a good indication how much pain I am trying to deal with. The prednisone is the only thing helping. Last week I started at 10mg in the AM by Monday I was adding 5mg in the afternoon and now I am up to 10mg in the AM and PM. The acne on my neck is insane right now and I hate hate hate it!
I want to whine to every person I encounter but I don't want to be known as the whiner or Debbie Downer, so I resist as much as possible and because of this I feel myself pushing people away. I'm suddenly annoyed at strangers and reading people's posts on FB and driving home is quite the ordeal when you hate all drivers in rush hour.
Trust me this is the prednisone talking.....I really am not that bitchy, but this crabbiness is uncontrollable. I feel like putting a warning sticker on my forehead " Please don't joke with me, I lost my sense of humor"
Worse yet is when the flare is this bad I feel like a horrible friend. I am suddenly the girl that is self absorbed. I can only think of me and "My RA " Hopefully I am getting better at recognizing it's happening and being a better friend and wife. RA and balance is quite the challenge.
I hope in 10years I can come back and read what an adjustment living with RA was and how much wiser and in control I am with my disease. I hope my RA is in remission and weight loss goals were a success. I hope this last year is a learning process and it all gets easier as time goes on. I think everyone needs to hit rock bottom to learn from their mistakes and have the strength to make life changes. Perseverance!!
I really think I am there. I have finally admitted for the first time RA was winning and making me think negative, so lets try this instead:
Dear Prednisone,
Thank you for making my pain more tolerable. The side effects are a necessary evil to get through this flare but on Tuesday we wean off and say our goodbyes again. I hope this time it's for a good but we'll cross the next bridge when it comes. The acne will clear up and lets be honest, I need to be more consistent on my skin care regimen.
The moodiness has been rough but I will take an extra 10 minutes to find some quiet time and take a breath. I will say hi to strangers and realize my friends are not all out to get me they just have different problems to tackle.
Dear RA,
I know you are trying to get the best of me this time around. But better luck next time, my will is stronger then you.
P.S YOU STILL SUCK! xoxox
I hope whatever anyone is dealing with you can find the will to stay strong ♥
I am strong because I am weak.
I am beautiful because I know my flaws.
I am a lover because I am a fighter.
I am fearless because I have been afraid.
I am wise because I have been foolish.
& I can laugh because I've known sadness.
- Unknown
Thank you for the mood swings, acne breakout, and lack of sleep. At least you are taking the edge off the pain. After Tuesday we will once again part ways after a short weaning period because I just can't quit you cold turkey. I wish this time it's for good but we both know you will back.
Dear RA,
YOU SUCK!! Please include a gift receipt with this flare because I want to give it back!
I can't express how much prednisone sucks, my RA buddies I know you know what I am talking about. This is the longest stretch in over a year I have been back on prednisone and I said I would never go on it again. I think that is a good indication how much pain I am trying to deal with. The prednisone is the only thing helping. Last week I started at 10mg in the AM by Monday I was adding 5mg in the afternoon and now I am up to 10mg in the AM and PM. The acne on my neck is insane right now and I hate hate hate it!
I want to whine to every person I encounter but I don't want to be known as the whiner or Debbie Downer, so I resist as much as possible and because of this I feel myself pushing people away. I'm suddenly annoyed at strangers and reading people's posts on FB and driving home is quite the ordeal when you hate all drivers in rush hour.
Trust me this is the prednisone talking.....I really am not that bitchy, but this crabbiness is uncontrollable. I feel like putting a warning sticker on my forehead " Please don't joke with me, I lost my sense of humor"
Worse yet is when the flare is this bad I feel like a horrible friend. I am suddenly the girl that is self absorbed. I can only think of me and "My RA " Hopefully I am getting better at recognizing it's happening and being a better friend and wife. RA and balance is quite the challenge.
I hope in 10years I can come back and read what an adjustment living with RA was and how much wiser and in control I am with my disease. I hope my RA is in remission and weight loss goals were a success. I hope this last year is a learning process and it all gets easier as time goes on. I think everyone needs to hit rock bottom to learn from their mistakes and have the strength to make life changes. Perseverance!!
I really think I am there. I have finally admitted for the first time RA was winning and making me think negative, so lets try this instead:
Dear Prednisone,
Thank you for making my pain more tolerable. The side effects are a necessary evil to get through this flare but on Tuesday we wean off and say our goodbyes again. I hope this time it's for a good but we'll cross the next bridge when it comes. The acne will clear up and lets be honest, I need to be more consistent on my skin care regimen.
The moodiness has been rough but I will take an extra 10 minutes to find some quiet time and take a breath. I will say hi to strangers and realize my friends are not all out to get me they just have different problems to tackle.
Dear RA,
I know you are trying to get the best of me this time around. But better luck next time, my will is stronger then you.
P.S YOU STILL SUCK! xoxox
I hope whatever anyone is dealing with you can find the will to stay strong ♥
I am strong because I am weak.
I am beautiful because I know my flaws.
I am a lover because I am a fighter.
I am fearless because I have been afraid.
I am wise because I have been foolish.
& I can laugh because I've known sadness.
- Unknown
Monday, March 21, 2011
Happy Monday, it's time for goal setting!
And another new week begins. I'm feeling a little out of sorts today. Yesterday I slept the whole day away and still went to bed at 8:30. Not sure if this is RA fatigue hitting me or something else but even after all that rest I still feel like napping right now. Sometimes I think I can handle the RA when the fatigue isn't so bad but when I have them both it really sucks! Last week I called my doctor and asked if there was any update on the insurance company approving the infusion early and it's not looking good. My doctors exact words were " I have to write a stupid letter to the insurance company" my guess is they will drag this out and it will be time for my infusion anyway, I imagine my doctor is irritated he has the medicine to make me better but can't give it to me. My next appointment is March 29th. This could be a long week. Friday I tried to take a walk for 15 min and barely made it half of the half I did the day before. This is so incredibly frustrating to the have the motivation but my joints just don't want to play nice.
Overall I had an alright weekend my eating was on the bad side but I did get a walk in on Saturday and took my son to Betty Brinn that morning so there was also lots of walking there. I was feeling OK that night so I got some cleaning done, at least there was calorie burning going on :) I have been trying to allow myself a cheat day on the weekend but 2 days wasn't good. Not even sure why I did it but the important thing is to recover and start the week out strong.and keep up the momentum.
I took my morning walk today and made the whole path, took me 5 minutes longer then usual since I had to go slower but I am feeling pretty good I got the whole thing in. Hopefully I can take an afternoon one also.
I'm reading Jillian Michael's book at the moment "Winning By Losing" I'm hoping this will help with my desire to fail. I'm at the chapter where goals need to written out by day, week, month and long term. And a reward system that is non food related.
So here we go!
Overall I had an alright weekend my eating was on the bad side but I did get a walk in on Saturday and took my son to Betty Brinn that morning so there was also lots of walking there. I was feeling OK that night so I got some cleaning done, at least there was calorie burning going on :) I have been trying to allow myself a cheat day on the weekend but 2 days wasn't good. Not even sure why I did it but the important thing is to recover and start the week out strong.and keep up the momentum.
I took my morning walk today and made the whole path, took me 5 minutes longer then usual since I had to go slower but I am feeling pretty good I got the whole thing in. Hopefully I can take an afternoon one also.
I'm reading Jillian Michael's book at the moment "Winning By Losing" I'm hoping this will help with my desire to fail. I'm at the chapter where goals need to written out by day, week, month and long term. And a reward system that is non food related.
So here we go!
Long Term Goal
- Weight in a healthy range for my age and height.
- Cholesterol in a normal range including HDL and LDL numbers in a normal range.
- I want to feel energized and RA under control.
Buy a new wardrobe to show off a new body and
attitude!
attitude!
Monthly Goal
- Go 4 weeks of walking at work on breaks and lunch.
- Bring my lunch or buy lunch from fit food trainer. NO FAST FOOD!
- Cholesterol moving in the right direction. (appointment is April 12th)
- Feeling better and clothes feel loose.
Buy a new pair of walking shoes.
Weekly Goal
- Eat healthy all week.
- Take 2 to 3 small walks a day.
- Bring fruit and veggies for snacks.
***Weekly Reward***
Either a pedicure or schedule a massage.
Daily Goal
- Eat a healthy Breakfast, lunch and dinner
- Bring snacks from home
- Walk 2 to 3 times a day
***Daily Reward***
Think I am going to stick weekly rewards :)
I think the goals are a really good visual to hold myself accountable and keep the motivation up. As you may have noticed I put nothing in there about the scale or numbers. I get very addicted to the scale and start to weigh myself 2 times or more a day. This needs to be about health and lowering my cholesterol and the weight loss will be an added benefit. I was recently told to take a tight fitting pair of clothes and put them in a bag and in 30 days try them on so we'll see what happens.
"Goals are the fuel in the furnace of achievement."
Brian Tracy, Eat that Frog
Brian Tracy, Eat that Frog
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Another stepping stone in my journey
I had a physical late last year and the doctor felt my neck and went hmmmm "how long have you had this swollen lymph node?" beats me didn't even know it was there. RA meds increase the risk of lymphoma another fun fact about RA :) So long story short she said I think you should talk to a surgeon to be safe and see what he says. He ordered a CT scan and 3 days later asked me to come back, he said the CT scan showed numerous swollen nodes and wasn't really sure what to make of it, I also had to do a gallbladder function test for a separate issue and he said he would review that when I had it done and decide the next step. I never heard back. I didn't have a good feeling about this doctor and I trust my rheumatologist completely so I decided to call him and see his take on it. He called me back immediately and said I want you to see an oncologist I recommend.......don't freak out this is just being cautious and getting a fresh opinion. This is the same oncologist who treats my aunt that had breast cancer, she praised him so I decided to follow his advice and call. He also is a hematologist. I once again had that feeling of he's going to say why are you wasting my time but I knew my rhuemy had called him so he seen the CT Scan which also scared me cause he wanted to see me!
I got in pretty quick and this guy really intimated me. Put me on the spot a few times and I was wondering why my aunt liked him so much lol So he has his laptop and pulls up my chart and starts talking about my cholesterol and I am thinking ok I know he is hematologist also but he was really going on about my cholesterol. He even said your cholesterol should scare you more then a lymph node cause of your family history of heart disease. My family history is scary. My mom passed away at 49 from a massive heart attack. My grandmother was 55 also a heart attack and I recently found out my great grandmother was 34 which meant my grandma was 2 when her mom died. This doctor was right I should be scared. A lot happened at this appointment too much to get all the details straight but he did not sugar coat or pat me on the head and say comforting words he flat out said you will be the next in your family history to die too young if you don't change and if you don't die you will have diabetes. Wow this doctor just put an expiration date on my life. He said "I treat more then just cancer I treat the person. You want my help or want to keep on this path?"
You would think hearing this I would have made some crazy insane changes in my life. As for the lymph node he doesn't think it's anything to worry about but we are monitoring it and he wanted to see me in 2 months.
In this time I signed up for a woman's heart health program geared to prevent heart disease. I tried to eat right and diet. I failed and I failed again. This brings a lot of emotions out in me. I can't figure myself out mentally. In the back of my mind I know I need to do this my life is now depending on it, my son needs me here in 10 years as well as my husband and I still can't get it right. Once again I let RA win.
It kind of reminds me of being in a tornado, my life is spinning out of control and I can't grasp on to anything to make a difference. I get my infusion, I feel great! I eat right and I exercise and I feel good and 2 weeks later my meds wear off and I hurt. It hurts to walk, it hurts to cook it's hard to care. The flare is in control not me. This has been going on so long now that as soon as I have the first sign of the flare I am in shutdown mode, I start to eat bad, I stop exercising and my will to care is gone. There is a voice whispering you can't do it anyway so why care or even try anymore.
I had a follow up appt with the oncologist last week and I tried to explain this to him in a way he understood and in way he kind of went well when you fail we put you on drugs, we will give you the chance to prove you can't do it. I was thinking at the time would it be so hard to say you can do it you just need to find the strength. But in a way I get why he did cause it really pissed me off lol so I want to prove to him I can do it so I suspect he played a little mind game with me, but hey whatever works. On the plus side to this appt he did recommend a workbook for cognitive thinking. He said this could be life changing and get me out of my negative thinking.
http://www.amazon.com
I took his advice very seriously and I ordered from Amazon that night and did 2 day shipping so I would have it while motivated. I'll have to keep you posted since I just started, but I can say that I already see a change.
A perfect example is when a flare is starting I immediately shut down. Today I started to hurt pretty bad at work and normally I would say no walk and I deserve a cheeseburger lol Instead I thought what is not going for a walk going to accomplish? I'm going to hurt no matter what so how about a short one and go slow and I bet that accomplishment is going to feel better then a cheeseburger. Guess what? I did my walk, I went slow and took my time and yes I still hurt but RA took the loss this time. So if you have some really negative thinking like me I recommend this book.
"That which does not kill us makes us stronger."
Friedrich Nietzsche
I got in pretty quick and this guy really intimated me. Put me on the spot a few times and I was wondering why my aunt liked him so much lol So he has his laptop and pulls up my chart and starts talking about my cholesterol and I am thinking ok I know he is hematologist also but he was really going on about my cholesterol. He even said your cholesterol should scare you more then a lymph node cause of your family history of heart disease. My family history is scary. My mom passed away at 49 from a massive heart attack. My grandmother was 55 also a heart attack and I recently found out my great grandmother was 34 which meant my grandma was 2 when her mom died. This doctor was right I should be scared. A lot happened at this appointment too much to get all the details straight but he did not sugar coat or pat me on the head and say comforting words he flat out said you will be the next in your family history to die too young if you don't change and if you don't die you will have diabetes. Wow this doctor just put an expiration date on my life. He said "I treat more then just cancer I treat the person. You want my help or want to keep on this path?"
You would think hearing this I would have made some crazy insane changes in my life. As for the lymph node he doesn't think it's anything to worry about but we are monitoring it and he wanted to see me in 2 months.
In this time I signed up for a woman's heart health program geared to prevent heart disease. I tried to eat right and diet. I failed and I failed again. This brings a lot of emotions out in me. I can't figure myself out mentally. In the back of my mind I know I need to do this my life is now depending on it, my son needs me here in 10 years as well as my husband and I still can't get it right. Once again I let RA win.
It kind of reminds me of being in a tornado, my life is spinning out of control and I can't grasp on to anything to make a difference. I get my infusion, I feel great! I eat right and I exercise and I feel good and 2 weeks later my meds wear off and I hurt. It hurts to walk, it hurts to cook it's hard to care. The flare is in control not me. This has been going on so long now that as soon as I have the first sign of the flare I am in shutdown mode, I start to eat bad, I stop exercising and my will to care is gone. There is a voice whispering you can't do it anyway so why care or even try anymore.
I had a follow up appt with the oncologist last week and I tried to explain this to him in a way he understood and in way he kind of went well when you fail we put you on drugs, we will give you the chance to prove you can't do it. I was thinking at the time would it be so hard to say you can do it you just need to find the strength. But in a way I get why he did cause it really pissed me off lol so I want to prove to him I can do it so I suspect he played a little mind game with me, but hey whatever works. On the plus side to this appt he did recommend a workbook for cognitive thinking. He said this could be life changing and get me out of my negative thinking.
http://www.amazon.com
I took his advice very seriously and I ordered from Amazon that night and did 2 day shipping so I would have it while motivated. I'll have to keep you posted since I just started, but I can say that I already see a change.
A perfect example is when a flare is starting I immediately shut down. Today I started to hurt pretty bad at work and normally I would say no walk and I deserve a cheeseburger lol Instead I thought what is not going for a walk going to accomplish? I'm going to hurt no matter what so how about a short one and go slow and I bet that accomplishment is going to feel better then a cheeseburger. Guess what? I did my walk, I went slow and took my time and yes I still hurt but RA took the loss this time. So if you have some really negative thinking like me I recommend this book.
"That which does not kill us makes us stronger."
Friedrich Nietzsche
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)