Hello neglected blog! I sure have had a rough month. One thing I have realized is I go in hermit mode when I am in pain. I was really bad about returning phone calls or answering text messages. I gave up my favorite games and stayed off FB. I'm sure some of it was depression even though I take a little white happy pill when the depression first got bad but I don't think anything can combat the feelings when a flare is in full swing.
What went wrong?
It all started with my son getting a little cold. For anyone with an auto-immune disease there is no such thing as a little cold. I knew it was coming on that Monday and things stayed fairly mild all week and I thought ok this is do-able. Saturday morning I knew I was in trouble and didn't hesitate to go to urgent care. I even told the nurse I know this song and dance and I know I have a sinus infection. The doctor came in and listened to my speech looked in my ears and said wow you have a nasty ear infection. She said probably an upper respiratory and sinus too but at this point we already know you are getting antibiotics. I asked for a shorter dosage since I can't get my infusion for 10 days after taking them so she gave me 5 days worth and strong lil buggers.
Then came the flare. And he wasn't pretty or nice. I called my doctor practically in tears I still had almost 3 weeks till my infusion. What in the world am I going to do? He said the antibiotics caused the flare, they always make the RA worse. What a catch 22 that is. The RA drugs make infections more likely to happen but the antibiotics make the RA worse I can't go without either one. SIGH So back on Prednisone and hello Vicadin. Even this wasn't helping. The worst night I was in so much pain I couldn't stand to be touched. I cried the whole way up the stairs and just laid on my bed, even the blankets hurt to be on me.
Everything goes downhill.......
So everything went to shit...literally. This was by far the worst flare I have ever had and I have been consistently struggling for a year. Along with depression I had horrible feelings of guilt. Guilt is a really powerful emotion. I felt like a horrible mother and a horrible wife. If my husband even sighed I was racked with guilt that he was having to do everything. My son wanted to go outside and play or for me to sit on the floor and play and I couldn't do it. I couldn't make dinner, clean the house, go shopping or take my son out for fun. Depression, guilt, anger, sadness and the list goes on.
And for the fail.....
I gave up on everything. I stopped eating right. Stopped all exercise ( that goes without saying why) I let this flare win and take over my life. It's so hard to care when emotions are swirling one on top of another. I wonder if I ever will win this game and get it right. As I write this, I think no way but I feel ok again and it's easy to think I have a chance, it's also hard to stay positive.
What is coming up....
My doctor is switching my meds, I had to get my Remicade infusion last month the new med wasn't approved in time but I feel pretty good for now till it wears off. I hope it's close to the end and not so soon like last month. Again it's hard to stay positive.
Tomorrow I am starting a diet again with a concentration on foods that work with the RA so stay tuned hopefully Monday I can start with some goals again and get back on track here.
Tomorrow is a new day........
Showing posts with label RA Flare. Show all posts
Showing posts with label RA Flare. Show all posts
Friday, June 3, 2011
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Dear Prednisone and RA
Dear Prednisone,
Thank you for the mood swings, acne breakout, and lack of sleep. At least you are taking the edge off the pain. After Tuesday we will once again part ways after a short weaning period because I just can't quit you cold turkey. I wish this time it's for good but we both know you will back.
Dear RA,
YOU SUCK!! Please include a gift receipt with this flare because I want to give it back!
I can't express how much prednisone sucks, my RA buddies I know you know what I am talking about. This is the longest stretch in over a year I have been back on prednisone and I said I would never go on it again. I think that is a good indication how much pain I am trying to deal with. The prednisone is the only thing helping. Last week I started at 10mg in the AM by Monday I was adding 5mg in the afternoon and now I am up to 10mg in the AM and PM. The acne on my neck is insane right now and I hate hate hate it!
I want to whine to every person I encounter but I don't want to be known as the whiner or Debbie Downer, so I resist as much as possible and because of this I feel myself pushing people away. I'm suddenly annoyed at strangers and reading people's posts on FB and driving home is quite the ordeal when you hate all drivers in rush hour.
Trust me this is the prednisone talking.....I really am not that bitchy, but this crabbiness is uncontrollable. I feel like putting a warning sticker on my forehead " Please don't joke with me, I lost my sense of humor"
Worse yet is when the flare is this bad I feel like a horrible friend. I am suddenly the girl that is self absorbed. I can only think of me and "My RA " Hopefully I am getting better at recognizing it's happening and being a better friend and wife. RA and balance is quite the challenge.
I hope in 10years I can come back and read what an adjustment living with RA was and how much wiser and in control I am with my disease. I hope my RA is in remission and weight loss goals were a success. I hope this last year is a learning process and it all gets easier as time goes on. I think everyone needs to hit rock bottom to learn from their mistakes and have the strength to make life changes. Perseverance!!
I really think I am there. I have finally admitted for the first time RA was winning and making me think negative, so lets try this instead:
Dear Prednisone,
Thank you for making my pain more tolerable. The side effects are a necessary evil to get through this flare but on Tuesday we wean off and say our goodbyes again. I hope this time it's for a good but we'll cross the next bridge when it comes. The acne will clear up and lets be honest, I need to be more consistent on my skin care regimen.
The moodiness has been rough but I will take an extra 10 minutes to find some quiet time and take a breath. I will say hi to strangers and realize my friends are not all out to get me they just have different problems to tackle.
Dear RA,
I know you are trying to get the best of me this time around. But better luck next time, my will is stronger then you.
P.S YOU STILL SUCK! xoxox
I hope whatever anyone is dealing with you can find the will to stay strong ♥
I am strong because I am weak.
I am beautiful because I know my flaws.
I am a lover because I am a fighter.
I am fearless because I have been afraid.
I am wise because I have been foolish.
& I can laugh because I've known sadness.
- Unknown
Thank you for the mood swings, acne breakout, and lack of sleep. At least you are taking the edge off the pain. After Tuesday we will once again part ways after a short weaning period because I just can't quit you cold turkey. I wish this time it's for good but we both know you will back.
Dear RA,
YOU SUCK!! Please include a gift receipt with this flare because I want to give it back!
I can't express how much prednisone sucks, my RA buddies I know you know what I am talking about. This is the longest stretch in over a year I have been back on prednisone and I said I would never go on it again. I think that is a good indication how much pain I am trying to deal with. The prednisone is the only thing helping. Last week I started at 10mg in the AM by Monday I was adding 5mg in the afternoon and now I am up to 10mg in the AM and PM. The acne on my neck is insane right now and I hate hate hate it!
I want to whine to every person I encounter but I don't want to be known as the whiner or Debbie Downer, so I resist as much as possible and because of this I feel myself pushing people away. I'm suddenly annoyed at strangers and reading people's posts on FB and driving home is quite the ordeal when you hate all drivers in rush hour.
Trust me this is the prednisone talking.....I really am not that bitchy, but this crabbiness is uncontrollable. I feel like putting a warning sticker on my forehead " Please don't joke with me, I lost my sense of humor"
Worse yet is when the flare is this bad I feel like a horrible friend. I am suddenly the girl that is self absorbed. I can only think of me and "My RA " Hopefully I am getting better at recognizing it's happening and being a better friend and wife. RA and balance is quite the challenge.
I hope in 10years I can come back and read what an adjustment living with RA was and how much wiser and in control I am with my disease. I hope my RA is in remission and weight loss goals were a success. I hope this last year is a learning process and it all gets easier as time goes on. I think everyone needs to hit rock bottom to learn from their mistakes and have the strength to make life changes. Perseverance!!
I really think I am there. I have finally admitted for the first time RA was winning and making me think negative, so lets try this instead:
Dear Prednisone,
Thank you for making my pain more tolerable. The side effects are a necessary evil to get through this flare but on Tuesday we wean off and say our goodbyes again. I hope this time it's for a good but we'll cross the next bridge when it comes. The acne will clear up and lets be honest, I need to be more consistent on my skin care regimen.
The moodiness has been rough but I will take an extra 10 minutes to find some quiet time and take a breath. I will say hi to strangers and realize my friends are not all out to get me they just have different problems to tackle.
Dear RA,
I know you are trying to get the best of me this time around. But better luck next time, my will is stronger then you.
P.S YOU STILL SUCK! xoxox
I hope whatever anyone is dealing with you can find the will to stay strong ♥
I am strong because I am weak.
I am beautiful because I know my flaws.
I am a lover because I am a fighter.
I am fearless because I have been afraid.
I am wise because I have been foolish.
& I can laugh because I've known sadness.
- Unknown
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