Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Dear Prednisone and RA

Dear Prednisone,

Thank you for the mood swings, acne breakout, and lack of sleep. At least you are taking the edge off the pain. After Tuesday we will once again part ways after a short weaning period because I just can't quit you cold turkey. I wish this time it's for good but we both know you will back.

Dear RA,
YOU SUCK!! Please include a gift receipt with this flare because I want to give it back!

  I can't express how much prednisone sucks, my RA buddies I know you know what I am talking about. This is the longest stretch in over a year I have been back on prednisone and I said I would never go on it again. I think that is a good indication how much pain I am trying to deal with. The prednisone is the only thing helping. Last week I started at 10mg in the AM by Monday I was adding 5mg in the afternoon and now I am up to 10mg in the AM and PM.  The acne on my neck is insane right now and I hate hate hate it!

I want to whine to every person I encounter but I  don't want to be known as the whiner or Debbie Downer,  so I resist as much as possible and because of this I feel myself pushing people away.  I'm suddenly annoyed at strangers and reading people's posts on FB and driving home is quite the ordeal when you hate all drivers in rush hour.
Trust me this is the prednisone talking.....I really am not that bitchy,  but this crabbiness is uncontrollable.  I feel like putting a warning sticker on my forehead  " Please don't joke with me, I lost my sense of humor" 
Worse yet is when the flare is this bad I feel like a horrible friend. I am suddenly the girl that is self absorbed. I can only think of me and  "My RA "   Hopefully I am getting better at recognizing it's happening and being a better friend and wife.  RA and balance is quite the challenge.

I hope in 10years I can come back and read what an adjustment living with RA was and how much wiser and in control I am with my disease. I hope my RA is in remission and weight loss goals were a success. I hope this last year is a learning process and it all gets easier as time goes on. I think everyone needs to hit rock bottom to learn from their mistakes and have the strength to make life changes. Perseverance!!
I really think I am there. I have finally admitted for the first time RA was winning and making me think negative, so lets try this instead:

Dear Prednisone,

Thank you for making my pain more tolerable. The side effects are a necessary evil to get through this flare but on Tuesday we wean off and say our goodbyes again. I hope this time it's for a good but we'll cross the next bridge when it comes.  The acne will clear up and lets be honest, I need to be more consistent on my skin care regimen.
The moodiness has been rough but I will take an extra 10 minutes to find some quiet time and take a breath. I will say hi to strangers and realize my friends are not all out to get me they just have different problems to tackle.

Dear RA,

I know you are trying to get the best of me this time around. But better luck next time, my will is stronger then you.

I hope whatever anyone is dealing with you can find the will to stay strong ♥

I am strong because I am weak.
I am beautiful because I know my flaws.
I am a lover because I am a fighter.
I am fearless because I have been afraid.
I am wise because I have been foolish.
& I can laugh because I've known sadness.

- Unknown

1 comment:

  1. attitude can be key...and I can honestly say I don't think I have ever been out to "get" you. are awfully cute though. :-)